


Not Supposed To Happen

by TheonSugden



Category: EastEnders
Genre: Biting, Blow Jobs, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 21:21:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4640655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheonSugden/pseuds/TheonSugden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben gets what he wants and struggles with that reality.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Supposed To Happen

Ben knows how lost Jay is when Jay kisses him back.

He wasn’t supposed to kiss him back. He didn’t last time. 

He was supposed to push Ben away, maybe punch him this time, the way Dad does, maybe tell him he’s scum, poison, the way everyone does when they see him breathing their air. 

Or maybe pat Ben on the head, tell him it’s fine, that he understands, that it’s something Ben can’t help, some fucking sickness, some curse for all the damage he’s done.

He’s not supposed to have Jay’s tongue in his mouth, or hear his shallow breaths when he stops, looks at Ben with wide, wild eyes before kissing him again.

Ben lifts his arms and his top is somewhere on the floor, along with his glasses, and with the tears in his eyes all he can see is silk ginger hair sliding down his bare skin. Jay’s kissing him and biting down his chest, and Ben wants him to stop, because they’re supposed to be brothers, and because after…after Jay’s done unzipping his jeans, done gagging on him the way he is now, done looking at him with those sad eyes, he knows Jay will hate him. The way everyone hates him.

It’s not like with Paul. He has fun with Paul, but they don’t need each other. He needs Jay. After this, he’ll need him forever. And he lets himself hope that Jay needs him. Remembers that Jay’s never had anyone either, everyone always died or left him, everyone but Ben. Just like Jay’s never left him.

There has to be a reason for it, but Ben can’t think about it, because as soon as he does, he’s gone. 

He tries to say stop, and say please, or no.

Every time he tries, his hips buck, his hands tug at Jay’s hair. He gets closer.

He cries again when he fills Jay’s mouth, watches Jay lick his lips, wipe his mouth, the dribble on his chin, blush and say, “Sorry. Thought I got it all.”

“Jay…” he whispers, ragged, before Jay pulls him close, lets Ben nuzzle his shoulder and neck.

“I know. I know,” Jay whispers back, kissing the top of his head.

Ben doesn’t tell him that’s what he’s afraid of.


End file.
